I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
