You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
