2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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