She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
