yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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