My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
