Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
please come you make the beer taste better
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
