This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
