Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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