Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
