Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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