just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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