I hate your face
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
