Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
too bad you live with your parents still
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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