And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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