It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
