Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
