Pappa wants mamma naked
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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