Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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