omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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