I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
