Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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