Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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