This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i drank out of a bidet.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
