Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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