I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
