We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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