I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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