i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
