the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
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his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
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Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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