Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
