Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
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I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
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no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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