anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
