hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
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I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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