i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Randomize
