Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
