My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
