he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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