where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
