he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
