when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You pole danced in your parka.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
