First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
