I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
