I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
