My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
