I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize