i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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