u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
