im about as happy as oj after his trial
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
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A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
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Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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