i think my tv is drunk
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
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This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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