Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
