We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize