I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
