she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
