Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
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I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
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I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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