Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
