It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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