is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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