Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
