hotel room ftw
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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