Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
