I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
