Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
