It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
