They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
