weddingsv make me drug and hornr
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
