saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
