it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The air taste purple.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
